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Missing you... [06 Oct 2005|07:08pm]

troyshark
I love you... and I miss you. I'm sorry we haven't gotten a chance to talk in a few days... I'm not MIA... just been working late and stuff. *hugs you tight* I love you honey. Write back to me, ok?
1 I'll love you | forever

hey... [22 Sep 2005|07:50pm]

troyshark
I really hope you feel better soon honey...

I love you so much - I hate to see you feeling depressed and down so often =( You're a wonderful person - and anyone who doesn't appreciate you is insane... *gentle hugs* I really love you... and I'm so thankful you're in my life.
1 I'll love you | forever

=) [19 Sep 2005|10:29am]

troyshark
[ mood | appreciative ]

I love you, Kaycee...

No matter what happens, or where I go, or how far apart we are, orwhat life has in store - I love you... from the bottom of my heart... and I always will.

For the past 6 years - you've made my life brighter and more fulfilling, just by knowing you... You've given me hope when I had none - a friend when I felt alone - peace when I was wrapped in chaos... You're my best friend - my confidante - and the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I love you, Kaycee... forever.

1 I'll love you | forever

=\ [09 Sep 2005|06:53pm]

troyshark
Well... it's been a few days since I heard from you... I e-mailed when I got here - and I posted to my journal - and you haven't responded... So - I'm going to try here... and hope that you at least say something.

I miss you... I miss talking to you - I miss your voice... as anticipated - I've been thinking about you ever since I left - aching because we spent our last night together the way we did... I hope you're doing ok... I hope you talk to me at least for your birthday... =\ no response has me thinking you just don't want to talk to me... and if that's true - that's fine... I understand... but please - at least tell me that... even if that's all you say.

I love you.

Troy
2 I'll love you | forever

... [09 May 2005|09:03am]

troyshark
[ mood | torn ]

I don't know what to say - but I feel a really strong compulsion to write to you, Kaycee... so - here I go.

I feel like I should apologize for how I've been acting... part of me wants to beat myself for being so difficult - so demanding - so moody - and that part of me feels that I've been really unfair to you... another part thinks - this is who I am... moody and difficult and high-maintenance - and if you can't cope with that, you can't cope with me - and this will never work anyway. Part of me wants to sit, calmly, and hold you - and comfort you - and patiently wait for you to come back to me... and part of me feels like - if you don't know that you want me - I shouldn't give you the opportunity.

I guess what I'm trying to say - is that I'm torn. And I'm trying my best to be fair to you as I try to figure out what I want - and what to do to get it. But - I'm conflicted... and if I'm confusing - it is only because the warring pieces of my broken heart are all trying to pull me in different directions... It's like there are 3 or 4 or 50 little me's inside my head, all talking at once, all pulling and pushing and shoving me to do things and when it all boils down - I'm in pain... and as hard as I try - I don't always act rationally - or consistently - when I'm hurt.

One thing is true, though, Kaycee... undeniably - unchangably - unfailingly true... I love you. And no matter what happens - or what I say - or what I do - I always will. I can't change that - I won't change it... I love you. Forgive me for being a fool... I'm a fool in love - and that's a dangerous combination.

forever

today... [23 Feb 2005|11:58am]

troyshark
[ mood | lonely ]

«vvs» hiii, sweetnuss... *gently fondles you*

I miss yew so muchly right now. =( it's 11:59 in the morning - and I wish I was sleeping - but they woke us up bright and early to go to a stupid formation - and I haven't been back to bed yet... I'm going to try to get some sleep right now... but... I didn't want to go another minute without telling you how much I love you... how beautiful you were last night... and how eager I am to make slow, beautiful love to you tonight, all over again...

You're my heart and soul... life wouldn't be worth living if it weren't for you.

1 I'll love you | forever

Baby... [08 Feb 2005|04:26pm]

troyshark
[ mood | loving ]

Baby...

I don't know what to say =) I'm so incredibly happy right now...

You caught me totally off-guard, lover... took me completely by surprise... I had been feeling for a while like I was pushing you - urging you toward a decision you weren't ready for... and while I knew my reasons and motivations were pure in doing so - I felt guilty for it... for asking to change the date... for being so needy and wanting to rush...

It felt so good tonight, baby, when you told me what you did... about wanting to get married right away... I couldn't even think straight, much less speak. =) You made me so happy, lover - I feel like I'm going to burst...

I'm so incredibly eager to start our life together, baby... so incredibly excited about holding you every night... I love you so deeply that sometimes it sneaks up on me - and I just start to cry - pure, tiny droplets of thankfulness for having my soulmate reuniting with me at last...

You're my whole world, Kaycee... I would be so lost without you... and whether you believe it or not - you are perfect... in my world - you are a goddess... my goddess of love... my own, personal little Venus... and I'm eternally thankful for having you in my life... so much so that I don't even know how to express it other than through tears...

Unfortunately, sweetheart - I don't think I'm going to be able to be online at 4AM like I had hoped... there are missions going out this morning - and for me to do my job while they're briefing, I have to be able to hear the radios - which means I have to be in the other room... but baby - I want you to post for me how you feel... what you think... talk to me... I need the sweet words my soulmate always seems to know to say to make my heart flutter in my chest - and my mind race until I'm dizzy... *smiles* You're like a drug to me, baby... and if I'm high on you - I never want to detox.

I'll come back online if I can, sweetheart... but if I don't - know that I love you... that I'm in love with you - and that it's the most wonderful thing I've ever felt...

2 I'll love you | forever

*smiles* [05 Feb 2005|12:27pm]

troyshark
[ mood | content ]

I love you so much, Kaycee... so, so much...

The idiot who runs the phone center came in while we were on the phone this morning and said "I need everyone to hang up so I can reboot the system - it'll only take a few minutes." So - obediently - everyone hung up the phones, which were working BETTER than usual, and waited... He turned it off - and it wouldn't come back on... =\ So - I came back to the internet, in the hopes that you were online - only to discover that Chris deleted this journal...

So - I spent the last hour or so fixing the damage that I could... and - when everything is sorted back out - I'll re-add you as a moderator and a poster... I just didn't want him to be able to fuck with anything.

He screwed your friends list and altered your icons... and deleted your communities - but that's about all he seems to have done - and it's all easily fixable... and - none of it is the reason I'm writing here right now...

The reason I'm writing is to tell you how much I love you, baby... because I really, truly do... and I realized that in a new way tonight... because I realized how strong it is... how true it is... how real it is... I realized that even if that entry had been from you - had been real and true... that it wouldn't change my loving you.

Yes - I would be hurt that you looked at Angel that way... and it would be something that would eat at me... but I wouldn't stop loving you. I would be a little worried, and a little nervous... but - I would still be yours... Because like I told Chris in a comment a little while ago... I have something that he will never have until he grows up some... someone who truly loves me... and that's not worth throwing away for anything.

You're the love of my life, Kaycee... and I'm so thankful for you... especially in the rough times... especially in the times when we're so far away... especially in the times when things aren't perfect... because you put all the little shit that gets me down in my day-to-day life in perspective. You make me realize that what's important is you - and me... together. "Us"... and I wouldn't trade us for the world.

2 I'll love you | forever

last night... [26 Jan 2005|02:09pm]

troyshark
[ mood | beautiful ]

Baby...

It's been far too long since I've written you here... it seems like we both start every one of our posts by saying that - but it's true... we talk every day now - and it's incredible... it's wonderful... but - I just can't go without telling you about how much I loved last night...

Fucking you is an art form, Kaycee... not because I'm an artist... but because you are art.

I'm not Beethoven or Mozart - but when I make love to you, I feel like a conductor, coaxing the most beautiful music ever written from a symphony orchestra... every time you moan - every sound you make - leaves me breathless, aching, longing for more... longing for you - in my arms.

You are my world...

Last night, Kaycee - when you came so incredibly hard for me... screaming like a wild animal, howling in pleasure until your voice was sore and raw... it was the most incredible thing I've ever experienced... and I was at a lack of words to describe the perfection of that moment - and my appreciation for you... but baby - it was perfect... and I do appreciate you - more than I'll likely ever be able to put into mere words...

What I can do, however, is show you... from this day forward... for the rest of our lives - how much I love you... how much you mean to me... and how incredibly beautiful you are in every conceivable way.

My usual motto in life is "prepare for the worst, hope for the best" - but Kaycee... I want you to prepare for the best... because that's all I'm ever going to give you. You deserve nothing less.

- Yours

1 I'll love you | forever

pour vous [09 Jan 2005|02:14am]

troyshark
[ mood | loving ]

If I could paint a portrait of you
and capture forever in canvas and oil
the way your beauty reflects in my heart
- the way your love resounds in my soul -
it would be a masterpiece
and I, the greatest artist the world has ever known.

If I had the skill to write a song,
a symphony of brass and wind and beating drums,
and in it possess the way your voice caresses my ear
- the way your whispers echo through my dreams -
the music of the world would be forever changed
and I would be a legend - for composing beauty.

If in a sculpture I could craft
the tiniest curve of your smiling lips
and coax the clay to express the feel
- the inexplicable intoxication -
that fills me from head to toe each time we touch
no man would ever sculpt again - unable to compare.

Such is the beauty that comprises you...
such is the perfection of the love you inspire.

1 I'll love you | forever

angel... [23 Dec 2004|02:54am]

troyshark
[ mood | loving ]

I know I should write in here more than I do... I wish we used this thing all the time. *smiles* I keep meaning to post our sweet little scenes in here... and the kinky ones, too... but - it never seems to happen like I want... I don't want to spend all my time online with you on formatting text and posting it... I want to spend it talking to you, and holding you, and being sweet with each other...

I've been loving roleplaying together online - really enjoying it... I love how sweet you are... and how you get into your character. *smiles* I love the way we talk about our scene in another window, too... all of it, baby - I really love it... I hope we do it more often...

And... I wish you weren't sad... I wish you weren't hurting like you are... I know it's partly because you're sick... and I know it's partly because you're lonely... and I know it's partly because I'm not there to take care of you... but I wish I could make you feel better, baby... so very badly... I hate to see you upset like this... and sick... and in pain... it makes me ache. =\

I really love you, lover... more than I can say... don't ever forget that.

2 I'll love you | forever

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